GOOD MORNINGS

see this sweet, sleepy babe? goodness i love her. i love her cheeks and those long eyelashes, i love the way she holds her ears while she sleeps, i love how easy she is to put to bed every night, and i love that she sleeps all night long. the one thing i have struggled to love- since the week she was born!- is that she is very much a morning person, and her idea of morning is usually before 6am. i am very much NOT a morning person. i can't fake it even when i try. i hate having to function/converse/move before 8am. i will stay in bed until forced to move, answer all conversation in grunts or single words when required, and put off any kind of getting dressed or making breakfast type activities as long as possible. this has, thus far, served me just fine. lucky me, luc is not a morning person like his mama, so we've regularly slept until 8 or 9 since he was born. he also wakes up slowly, so he's always pretty content to lay by me in bed for a few minutes while we both adjust to the terrible truth that it's morning. but then this cute lia girl came along and brought with her a daily 6am {usually more like 5:45am!} wakeup time- and she isn't content to lay around and snuggle, oh no. she wants a sippy of milk! and breakfast! and peek-a-boo! she is all smiles and squeals and climbing all over her poor mama who is desperately trying to pretend there isn't a child sitting on her head, and go back to sleep for a few more precious minutes. 

i've fought this every morning for a year now, and lately it has just been really hard. i have been SUPER grumpy every morning, trying to snatch a few more minutes of sleep- or at least just avoiding having to move from my bed- while lia squeals and fusses and demands my attention and pulls my hair and pokes me in the eyes. and when i wake up super grumpy, it is really challenging for me to NOT stay grumpy the rest of the day. i don't just snap out of it, or feel cheerful after finally getting out of bed. i stay in a grumpy funk the whole day, and my poor kiddos get the brunt of my moodiness. and this has been happening more and more often lately, to the point that i knew i needed to change something, or i was just going to be that perma-grumpy mom that no one wants to be around.

but what could i change??????? i've never been a cheery person first thing in the morning, and having kids who bounce out of bed and start asking for things first thing in the am went against all of my natural inclinations. sigh. so i asked orlando what i should do {with the hope that he would suggest hiring a morning nanny to take care of the first two hours of every day} and turns out, his response was not what i wanted to hear. he said that instead of fighting that moment when i finally have to get out of bed EVERY SINGLE MORNING, i should just embrace it, and get up. just get up right when lia gets up, and go. stop avoiding the inevitable.

without any other ideas, i said i'd try it, but i seriously doubted it would make any difference. HA! my husband is a genius, and i should not doubt him. it has been amazing what a difference this has made in our days this past week. i get up, i fill lia's sippy, i start breakfast, and she giggles and chatters and i am not annoyed or grumpy or cursing the universe. i'm still not incredibly talkative, but i am awake and productive and a thousand times more cheerful than i was before. no more grumpy mom for the entire day! {i still have my moments, i'm human} i don't feel like i have this rain cloud over my head all day anymore, instead i'm happy to see my kiddos when they wake up, i'm happy to hear about luc's dream and to make lia seconds and thirds for breakfast {it's practically her one meal of the day}.  we've had an all-around happy week over here and i've loved it.

now, this is not to say that it's all been perfection... around 4pm every day, i'm so tired, i just lay on the playroom floor for awhile while the kiddos play around, and on top of me. so i need to start going to bed earlier, for sure. BUT! i'd rather be tired than exceedingly grumpy, any day. 

i wrote this post to document my growth as a human being {because i'm very proud of myself for actually doing this in real life!} and to say that if i can learn to embrace mornings, so can you. start now, you'll be so glad you did!

THIRTY

i turned 30. it was a wonderful day full of my favorite food and favorite people. i feel like 30 should inspire some kind of sophisticated, awe-inspiring, life-changing revelation of style and success, but so far it has been rather ordinary. and i mean that in the best possible way. i hold my babies, i make lunch, i vacuum. and i'm acutely aware of how very good i have it, how blessed i am to have lived 30 happy years, two beautiful babies to snuggle, and one hot hubby to kiss. instead of a magical overnight evolution, i'm ever so gradually becoming the woman i want to be, and i love it. forward progress feels good, even when it's little by little. and i'm happy. i'm really truly happy. 

birthday jamba juice, breakfast at kneaders, shopping at anthro- like i said, it was a wonderful day!

HAIR

my hair goes through some weird phases postpartum. it's been naturally curly all my life, but around three months after i have a baby, most of the curl disappears. and then around a year postpartum, they come back {at least they did last time. here's hoping they do this time!}. but for those nine months, i am at a loss as to what to do with my hair. after luc was born, i stubbornly refused to accept that my hair was different, and still tried to do it curly every day. {it will still curl somewhat, but it requires A LOT of product and blowdrying, and it looks sad and limp and is so unhealthy}

this time, i'm trying to embrace my new hair, maybe have a little fun with it. i miss my curls, so my fingers are crossed that they come back, but until then, it's fun to have the hair i wished for through all of high school.

pregnant with lia, my hair was super curly this pregnancy

two months postpartum- still curly, but starting to get less and less...

3.5 months postpartum. this is my hair air-dried after a shower. CRAZY, RIGHT?!?!

i think i look crazy different!

TWO KIDS

i've been waiting to let it sink in a bit before i write down what it's like to have two kids, and now, 11 weeks post-baby, i want to journal a few things i've observed so far.

two kids is just so much more. that's the best way i can describe it. there are more diapers to change and more meltdowns and more laundry and more dishes. there's more joy and more fun and more pride and more love. there's more hard things and a whole lot more of the really great stuff. i can't get anything done, but i don't stop moving, all day. emotions are running higher- when luc makes lia smile, i have to hold back the tears. when luc refuses to walk up the stairs to our apartment and my arms are full of a baby carrier, diaper bag, and groceries, i have to hold back the tears. when the three of us are sitting together, playing trains or reading stories, i feel like i'm living a slice of heaven. and when both kids are crying and dinner is burning and i haven't showered in three days, it feels more like the other place for a minute. 

but only for a minute, because the blessing of two kids is that one of them is always there to pick me up when i need it most. sometimes both of them come to my rescue! but i can always count on at least one of them to give me a smile, say 'i wuv you' or hold onto me tight like i'm all they need in the world. 

i've become really aware lately of all they're teaching me. they are making me into so much more than i have ever been. they trust me so completely, it makes me try to be more trustworthy.

they love so wholeheartedly, i can't help but love more.

they forgive so quickly, i want to be forgiving, just like them.

they laugh so easily, it reminds me to laugh too.

these two are my greatest blessings and though sometimes i just want to sit down and cry, i wouldn't trade this magic time of childhood for anything. being a mama to these two is so much more than i ever dreamed.

10 THINGS I SAID I'D NEVER DO

thanks for the great post idea, stacy!

as i've jumped into this 'two kids' gig, i've noticed that i'm doing quite a few things i said i'd never do. and i do them a lot. i think its called survival mode? some of them relate to parenting, and some don't, but anyways, here are ten things i said i'd never do, in no particular order:

1. back when i was single and naive, i always said i'd never EVER let my legs get prickly/hairy once i was married. no way was i going to let my husband feel legs that weren't meticulously and perpetually smooth, how embarrassing would that be?!

BAHAHAHAHAHA! i laugh out loud at my 20-year old self.

funny story: as i was pushing, just before lia was born, i thought to myself; 'gee linds, you really should have tried to shave once in the last three months so that your husband and nurse didn't have to hold such 'au naturale' legs right now.' but then i was giving birth so i promptly forgot about such things. plus, i like to think that as you get older you get a better perspective on what's really important in a marriage. that, or nothing really embarrasses me anymore...

2. before i was a parent, i said i'd never let the television babysit my kids. i grew up in an almost tv-free home. we didn't have cable {my parents still don't have cable!} so there was never anything on except the news, and my mom was really strict about screen time. we had family movie night almost every week, and i went through a phase where i watched saturday's warrior every chance i could, but that's about all i remember. how awesome is my mom, btw? anyways, i was determined that i would raise my kids the same way... but in real life, the tv does babysit my toddler. on the days he decides not to nap, it gives us both one hour of 'quiet time' and since baby sister arrived it's the one way to keep him from destroying the house while i nurse. i confess, i don't love it, but i am grateful for it.

3. i always said i'd never go on a diet. i declared i'd rather be chubby than give up chocolate and ice cream and all those glorious carbs. but then i really struggled to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight after i had luc and it was rough- my energy levels were down, my self-esteem was down, my emotional eating was way up. i felt gross constantly- bloated, too full, cranky, and tired. so i dieted and added a little exercise to my life, and besides the bonus of losing a few pounds, i learned how to take care of my body, how to eat what i needed to physically thrive instead of eating my feelings in the form of endless chocolate bars. actually it was incredibly freeing to realize that i didn't NEED to eat all the time, that i could give up all the snacks and not starve.

4. i was never ever going to co-sleep with my babies. i love my sleep and there was no way i was going to share my bed with a wiggly, sweaty baby/toddler who likes sleep on top of me. that is, before i actually had that wiggly, sweaty baby who didn't sleep at night unless he was sleeping on top of me, and then after he was finally sleeping through the night as a toddler, decided that 6 am was an appropriate time to start the day. PUT HIM IN MY BED AND FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY, LET ME GO BACK TO SLEEP became my new mantra.

5. i declared i'd never go a year without traveling somewhere amazing. i love to travel. i'd much rather spend money on an experience than on things like clothes or shoes- i'll pick a trip over new stuff every day of the week. and from the middle of high school to college, i was on a hot streak. french canada, italy twice, france twice, england, mexico, and spain, 5 years in a row. but then orlando started law school and that became our new expensive 'trip' on the east coast. and now we have our babies and its harder to leave. hopefully we can sneak off to someplace fun the next year or so, fingers crossed!

6. i said i'd never like kettle corn. popcorn should be so buttery and salty it could induce a heart attack. that was my strict rule-i didn't even like caramel corn!- until we moved to cleveland and i tried the hundreds of flavors at campbell's sweets. my favorites turned out to be the kettle corn and the dichotomy corn- white cheddar and caramel corn mixed. i could eat an entire bag by myself in one sitting. it was amazing, and i'll forever be converted to sweet popcorn. {anyone in cleveland want to mail me a bag of campbell's dichotomy popcorn?}

7. i said i'd never wear workout clothes anywhere EXCEPT working out. yeah, that one bit the dust when luc was born. i could exercise OR get ready, but never both. now with two kids, i can't do either. so i've lowered my standard to 'its perfectly acceptable to wear workout clothes everywhere, regardless of whether any exercising actually happened'

8. before i had kids, i always said i'd never forget what it's like to be a kid. then it hit me this week- i forgot. i hurry luc along when he sees an interesting rock and wants to stop. i don't understand his need to be the noisiest train on the planet as he 'chuffs' around the house. i don't share his fascination for taking things apart/making a huge mess, and i say 'not right now' way too often. if not now, when? i'm working on this one, i want to be more like him, he's way more fun.

9. growing up with curly hair in a decade that wasn't the 80's was hard, and for the majority of my life, i said i'd never love my hair. i daydreamed about permanently straightening my hair for YEARS. thankfully, i married a man who loves my curls, and because he loved them, i gradually started to love them too. and now i wouldn't dream of straightening my hair!

10. i said i'd never work outside the home while i had little kids. i love being a stay-at-home mom but i do admit that while it is incredibly fun and fulfilling and wonderful, it is only one facet of who i am. so when we moved to arizona at the end of the summer last year and finally felt settled for what may be a large chunk of our lives, i started thinking about life down the road and what i wanted to do. on a whim (at 39.5 weeks pregnant no less) i looked online at some of the local museums to see who was hiring. honestly, i had no intentions of actually finding something, i was looking 'just for fun'. but there was this open part-time (like 10-20 hours a month) position at the children's museum (which we LOVE) and i suddenly knew i had to apply for it. there was no question, i knew something perfect like this wouldn't come around again anytime soon. so i applied right then, and they called me the next morning to come in and interview. i interviewed on my due date haha! they were awesome and offered me the job and then kindly gave me six weeks off to have a baby :). i've only worked one event (i'm on the museum event staff) so far but i love it. it's a good balance for me right now, to be home 95% of the time AND to have a few hours here and there to get out and do something else i enjoy.

OVERFLOW

i'm feeling all sorts of emotional tonight. it's partly hormones, partly my natural aversion to change, and partly all the buttons this little man has been pushing the last couple of days. he has been such a turkey and i have cried frustrated tears more than once. but then he snuggles up to me like this and i start crying again- but this time because i feel so blessed to call him mine and because i know baby sister will only fill my heart even more and it's already overflowing as it is. i feel immeasurably honored to be their mama and at the same time completely unequal to the task. how does one imperfect mother nurture two perfect little souls adequately? i'm grateful heavenly father trusts me enough to let me try and yet i still feel so inadequate.  

29

BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!

my honey seriously rocked this birthday! he always does an awesome job of making me feel special and loved, but this year i felt especially spoiled. on my birthday eve, he took me out on a date to my favorite restaurant {carrabba's, yum!} where the steak marsala and garlic mashed potatoes made baby sister and i happier than any other present possibly could {when i'm pregnant, the way to my heart is through food. absolutely.} AND then after that really wonderful dinner that made me fall in love with him all over again, he took me to sephora and let me splurge to my heart's content.

IT WAS AWESOME. 

one of my top ten favorite date nights ever, for sure. we laughed and ate and talked and it felt so good, we were so connected and happy, just the two of us. mmm, i love him so much.

on my birthday morning, i opened a few presents, my boys took me out to brunch {more delicious food!}, and then we drove an hour north for a weekend cabin getaway with friends, which was heavenly enough to warrant it's own post {up next!}. we had a BLAST and it was one of my favorite birthdays of all time, seriously. thanks babe for making my whole weekend SO MUCH FUN, i adore you! xoxo

BIRTHDAY EVE

photo by luc. not bad, right? the rest were blurry and/or cut off at my nose, but he totally nailed this one.

i'll be 29 tomorrow. something about this birthday feels so daunting, though not necessarily in a bad way, just in a BIG DEAL way. i think i always figured that by the time i was 29 i would have everything figured out- a killer fashion sense, signature lipstick, rocking mothering skills, and a slew of perfected talents and hobbies. you know that movie where she dreams of being 'thirty, flirty, and thriving' because it totally looks like that is when life all comes together perfectly? that's how i've always looked up to the age i am now, like i would get here and finally have it all together perfectly. and here i am, though it is seriously laughable how far from 'together perfectly' i feel today. i mean, i haven't even mastered my ridiculous hair yet.

but, as i've been reminding myself everyday this week- it's easy to dwell on what you lack, but if you do, you're going to miss the literal mountain of wonderful things you do have. and i have some seriously wonderful- perfect even!- things in my life, and i wouldn't trade them, not even for a lifetime of perfect hair days.

i have a healthy body that can do miraculous things, and a darling, healthy baby girl on the way.

i have a kind, happy, handsome husband who makes me laugh and texts me just to say 'i miss you' on long work days.

i have a beautiful, adventurous, hilarious two year old who likes to tell me that we are 'best best friends'.

i have family and dear friends who make all the difference in my life, no matter how far apart we all live.

and i have another happy year to figure out some of the things i want to, and time to spend focusing on the people and passions dearest to me. instead of knowing it all right now, i have the time and space to learn and grow and evolve, and i think that might be way better than having it 'together perfectly.'

so here's to a year of progress. it feels good to know i'm headed in the right direction. 29, i think you and i are going to get along fabulously!

FEEDING THE DUCKS

one of my very earliest memories is of an overcast, rainy day in logan ut. it's a hazy memory overall, but there are a few moments of clarity. i was maybe three, and was wearing my favorite blue raincoat with my matching rain boots. i remember waiting on the steps of our house while my daddy put on his blue jacket, and then he took my little fingers in his big, warm hand, and we walked to the duck pond, splashing in puddles along the way. i have this very clear still shot of him from where i stood, looking up, of his black hair and scruffy face, the way his mustache curved when he smiled down at me. i remember thinking he was so big and so safe and so handsome. 

when we got to the duck pond, he broke up pieces of bread for me to feed to ducks and i remember worrying that they would get cold because it was starting to rain and they didn't have rain coats on. i don't remember anything else at the pond, but i do remember he carried me home in the rain, and i remember the way his mustache tickled my cheek when i laid my head on his shoulder.

apparently, this was a favorite pastime of ours, feeding the ducks. we have tons of pictures of it, of me and dad and mom and baby trevor, and though i don't remember very many times individually, i always think of it with overall fondness.

remarkably, until this weekend, i've never taken luc to feed the ducks {mostly due to a lack of duck ponds in ohio}, so i was excited when i heard about a big duck pond here in az. we went on sunday, as it was perfectly sunny and cool, and i ripped off pieces of bread while luc threw them in {after i handed him a slice and he threw it in whole}. it made me all sappy and nostalgic, the whole circle of life and childhood memories and such, and i just couldn't help but grin, watching him cheer 'yay duck yay!' every time they ate a piece and 'pome back, pome back duckses!' when they paddled away.  it was short lived, he'd thrown all our bread in about three minutes tops, and then ran off to explore something else, but it was a sweet while it lasted. 

i keep wondering what his earliest memory will be. i hope i'm in it, doing something like this with him, just soaking up these precious moments of childhood.

MENTAL

i've been feeling a little off-balance lately {pregnancy hormones!}, mentally and emotionally, so i've been trying all sorts of things to help me feel more stable. maybe this happens to you too from time to time? if so, here are a few things i've discovered that help when you're in a mental funk:

-carbs. namely salty mall pretzels and chocolate frosted donuts.
-early morning scripture study and prayer. no better way to start the day on a good note.
-long, hot, solitary showers. no toddlers allowed.
-naps. everyday.
-starting a new project. working on something you enjoy is a good mental diversion.
-reading a good book. nothing better than a little harry potter rereading in the fall.
-avoiding cleaning the bathroom with lots of book-reading and project-doing.
-sneaking snuggles from your toddler whenever he'll hold still for five seconds. nothing better for your spirit than a smooch from a two year-old.

any other good suggestions?

PRIDE

what's that saying? 'pride will be your downfall'?
something like that. 

pride- this one specific kind of pride- can sometimes be my downfall.

i am not a particularly stubborn person, though, like just about everybody, i can be on the rare occasion.  i find saying sorry a pretty easy thing to do, and being the first to apologize never bothers me. i hate confrontation and tension and fighting and hurt feelings, so whatever ends it fastest, i'm almost always willing to do, and do it quick. 

my pride tends to take a different direction, a more vain direction, if you will. for example, i was so prideful about the fact that i could get my pre-pregnancy jeans on {unbuttoned of course} throughout my entire pregnancy with luc, that i didn't buy a single pair of maternity jeans or shorts. the last four weeks of that pregnancy, i paid for that pride with every uncomfortable minute i had to wear clothes. and THEN i had a c-section, and the very idea of putting my tight pants on over my incision made me want to cry. but my pride was strong. i took JEANS to the hospital, people. SKINNY JEANS NO LESS. SKINNY JEANS to wear home after birthing a baby. everybody told me not to- friends, baby magazines, my mom- everybody told me to pick the sweats, but my pride wanted to be squeezed back into those jeans as quickly as possible. bless my dear mother, who walked to the target across the street from the hospital, and bought me two pairs of yoga pants, and then insisted i wear nothing else for weeks. thank heavens she was bossier than my pride that time, that really would have hurt.

it's something i've been working on, trying to find a more reasonable balance, when it comes to my pride. so this pregnancy, in an act of self-improvement and out of a sincere desire to not be so darn uncomfortable all the live-long day, i bought maternity jeans. you know, those special pants they make specifically for pregnant women because our miraculously growing bodies aren't meant to be squished into our regular pants? {duh, lindsey} yeah, those ones, i bought those. AND I LOVE THEM. they are so comfortable, so spacious, so stretchy and soft! they don't give me welts under my belly and they don't cut off circulation to my legs! glory hallelujah, they're the BEST PANTS EVER INVENTED! 

stupid pride, you kept me from this comfy goodness for far too long. but in the end you did not win, ha! i declare that i love maternity jeans, and i don't care who knows it! 

25.5 weeks in my new old navy maternity jeans. love at first try-on.

OCTOBER

i love october. it's a month of change, and i find that more often than not, i need things to change right about now. usually, we'd be bidding our park days farewell and breaking out the soups and sweaters, but this year is a little different. it was 81 degrees today, so we aren't exactly pulling on the layers, but i feel the change in the air nonetheless, even if it is lacking that crisp chill we're used to.

general conference weekend was a big weekend for me. nothing extraordinary happened, but i was really touched by a few of the messages and i have been putting some of the inspiration i felt to good use, including daily personal scripture study and morning prayer. seeing the difference a prayer to start my day has made, i have no idea how i got through so many days without it. i have more patience, more energy, better mothering ideas, and a more grateful heart.

things just feel really good this week. i got into a kind of negative/depressed rut over the long summer, and i have taken my sweet time shaking it off. i'm sure i can chalk most of this up to hormones and the stress of being a single + pregnant mom for most of the summer, but it sure has been hard to get over. i'm finally feeling like the giant load of stress and worry and frustration i was lugging around is gone, and i am happier and lighter than i have been in weeks. i'm putting on lipstick and laughing over spilled apple juice {instead of crying} and letting go of all the have-tos and trying to just enjoy today. arizona seems to be feeling the same way, as the weather has turned into perfection this week- 77 degrees all day and night- and we have been soaking up every minute of daylight. i watched the cloudy sky split with streaks of the deepest blue yesterday and i had to fight the impulse to throw my arms out and twirl, everything just felt so good- the air, the sky, my soul, luc's grin and dirty knees, baby girl playing kickball in my belly- i felt a peace and contentment i have been missing for too long.

i think that's how it goes sometimes. life gives us trials and times of stress, but to help us through, heavenly father has given us this beautiful earth, personal revelation, and really special people to call family.

and they really do help us through.

to love them and be loved by them is my life's greatest blessing and dearest happiness.

RANDOM

my current favorite picture of luc

lately, every time we go to the grocery store, we just have to stop at the bakery and snag two fluffy, fresh, chocolate frosted donuts- plain for me, sprinkles for luc- to enjoy when our sweaty task of unloading said groceries is done. truth be told, luc usually doesn't wait, and enjoys his liberally while mama finishes the shopping. this baby girl likes her sweets, and i have found myself completely helpless in front of a shelf of donuts- and luc is a kid after my own heart, he can't resist either. what a good pair we make!

my hair loves arizona! it's been awesome, like waking up from a three-year-long bad hair day. however, mine and luc's lips are so chapped, they're red and sore and i've had to smother us in chapstick hourly. still though, i'll take dry over humid any day.

luc counts everything now. 1, 2, 3 is on repeat all day long. sometimes when he's feeling adventurous, he'll go all the way to 10 {he knows how} but most of the time, he just says 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3 over and over- and no amount of bribing will get him to count to ten if he's not in the mood. hence, i have yet to successfully video his new skill for the grandparents.

since we moved and put luc in his own room again {after a looooong summer of he and i sleeping in the same room}, luc has had a little trouble falling asleep. some nights he talks for over an hour before he conks out, and other nights he cries and cries until someone comes in to rescue him. so we've been taking turns laying on the floor next to his bed while he falls asleep, and he and i have got a little system down. he sticks his little hand through the crib slats and holds my hand tight, and then one by one, lists to me all his favorite toys, and i, one by one, reassure him that they are sleeping.

luc: monster trucks

mama: yes, the monster trucks are sleeping

luc: thomas and edward

mama: thomas and edward are sleeping too

luc: yellow digger

mama: your yellow digger is sleeping. night night digger.

and so on and so forth, until he finally falls asleep and starts to snore. and while i do miss our much easier bedtime routine, these little conversations we have, him and i, in the quiet of the night, have become little treasures to me. someday soon,, he's going to be falling asleep with his headphones in, so i'm going to enjoy this while i can.

double stuff oreos + chocolate milk = holy hannah!

apparently it's monsoon season here and it's amazing. the rain is warm and the fresh earthy smell is at the very best. as weird as it sounds, i love the smell of a wet desert.

20 WEEKS!

hooray for halfway! i love this part of pregnancy- my belly finally looks like a real baby belly, instead of extra chub from the holidays, the first trimester exhaustion is gone {and this time the nausea too}, and i can feel baby girl moving around in there all the time, which i LOVE LOVE LOVE. one of the things i missed the most after luc was born was feeling him kick and roll inside me, so i've been looking forward to being able to feel this little one since the beginning. i felt her for the first time at 14 weeks {three weeks earlier than with luc!} but it was faint and very rare. now she's finally big enough for me to feel her more regularly and it's my favorite.

a few other things about pregnancy/baby #2:

-i can definitely feel her moving, but she is not nearly as active as her big brother was. luc squirmed all day and night. baby sister has a very specific schedule- she really only moves early in the morning, around 5am, and then in the evening, usually after 8pm. she is pretty consistently active from 8pm until i fall asleep sometime around 10:30-11, so all the fears i build up during the day when she doesn't move AT ALL are alleviated… at least until the next day :) i have to keep reminding myself that all babies are different, PLUS my placenta is in the front this time, so it's harder to feel her in general, thanks to the extra padding between us.

-everyone told me that pregnancy #2 goes by faster than #1 but so far, this has not been true for me. this baby is taking her sweeeeeet time, just like big brother did.

-whew, that first trimester was a doozey! compared to many, it wasn't bad at all, but compared to my first, it was rough. with luc i was exhausted but i had a huge appetite and lots of cravings. most especially, i wanted a cheeseburger everyday. this time, i was exhausted as usual, but i had- and still have- hardly any cravings. fresh, cold fruit has been the only thing i've craved consistently. for most of the first 17 weeks, all food sounded gross, and eating anything felt like a huge chore. meat of any kind was the worst. almost everything i ate made me nauseous. i only threw up a handful of times, so i know i was lucky, but it was hard to feel so consistently icky for so long.

-my immune system has really struggled this time around. i had a 4-week-long summer cold in august, a constant eye infection that won't go away {hence the glasses}, and nonstop cold sores.

-thanks to a rough first trimester, i'm doing a lot better this time around when it comes to eating healthy. i'm much pickier about what i eat this time and i'm not stuffing my face with cheeseburgers and french fries almost daily. now that i'm past the nauseous stage, i definitely feel less sluggish and more energetic than i did with luc. i think it helps too that i've only gained five pounds so far- with luc i had put on fifteen by this point.

-talking about baby girl names is turning out to be super fun. we really struggled to agree on even one boy name, but girl names seem easier for us. and the possibilities are endless! we are having a great time gradually filling out our sweet 16 bracket. {this is how we pick names. we duke it out from the sweet 16 to the final 4 and then decide on 1 winner at the hospital. it's a great system, i highly recommend it!}

only 20 more weeks and our little blueberry will be in our arms! we can't wait!

WAITING

some people are blessed with the gift of patience. they are ever calm and cheerful, contently awaiting the next big step, the blessing they're praying for, the change time brings. 

i am not one of these people.

though it is always on my list of things to become better at, waiting is not a natural gift of mine. 

maybe that's why i'm 'blessed' to do it so often?

i mean, here i am, waiting. waiting for this cold to go away. waiting to find out the gender of our baby. waiting to get some good news on the job front. waiting to move. waiting to unpack and get settled. lately it feels like i'm waiting for my entire life to start moving again. like we've spent the summer suspended in time, the pause button down, just waiting for reality to begin. i'd be lying if i said i wasn't more than ready to get this ride moving forward. 

until then, i guess this is a golden opportunity to practice my patience and my 'gratitude in every circumstance' skills. wish me luck!

image via minted

WHILE YOUR HUSBAND STUDIES FOR THE BAR…

what do you do while your husband is studying for the bar and you're feeling lonely and pregnant and frumpy? besides eating cartons of haagen-daz {which you definitely do}, you decide to finally do that one thing you've always wanted to do but never had the free time to do it! {because now you do!}

binge buy all the hair products you can find at target and try every one for a week, narrowing it down to your favorite, which you will then use for the rest of time because it makes your hair look dreamy in a way you never thought possible.

anyone else always wanted to try this? maybe it's just me. but you will be glad i did, because i am going to tell you everything i have learned and what not to buy and what you need to buy right now, and then you don't have to spend hours of nap time doing your hair different ways and then washing it to do it again. you're welcome.

since arriving in san diego the third week of june, i have tried:
pardon this terrible picture. i just couldn't justify using nap time to try all these hair products AND photograph them.

1. big sexy hair root pump mousse and hairspray
2. suave captivating curls spray gel, mousse, and hairspray
3. fructis sky-high mousse and beach chic spray
4. not your mother's kinky curls cream and volumizing hairspray
5. shea moisture curl and style milk
also, not pictured
6. herbal essences totally twisted mousse and hairspray
7. dove hair therapy mousse and hairspray

1. big sexy hair root pump mousse and hairspray. when they say big, they mean BIG. this hairspray had some serious hold, which would be great in humid/windy places like cleveland. it definitely made my hair crunchier than i would have liked though. as for the root pump mousse, i loved the spray feather, so much easier to apply evenly! it adds definite volume but left my hair frizzy at the ends and on top of my head- lots of flyways. and my hair texture was really stiff. i think this would be better for healthier, less frizz-prone hair, or for short hair where you want lots of volume and don't need much product. i liked it, but didn't love it, especially considering it's the most expensive one i tried.

2. suave captivating curls spray gel, mousse, and hairspray. this got great reviews in allure magazine and is super cheap so i was excited to try it. ICK ICK ICK. i didn't even use it for a week, it was so bad. both the mousse and the gel gave me really crunchy flat curls, and then halfway through the day the product would start flaking all over my head and clothes. attractive! and the hairspray didn't help, it just added to the heaviness. i definitely do not recommend this line at all.

3. fructis sky-high mousse and beach chic spray. first let me just say that the beach spray was an epic fail. my hair was nothing but frizz. however, i may not have the right hair for those hot beach waves, so this might work on someone with less curly hair. the mousse was only ok. it wasn't awful but didn't do anything spectacular either. definitely no 'sky-high' volume and no great curl definition either. i'm not a fan, but you might be.

4. not your mother's kinky curls cream and volumizing hairspray. i really wanted to like this one because i'd read it was healthier for hair than most products and it's pretty affordable. the first few days, i really didn't like it, my hair was SUPER frizzy and though it was soft and shiny, it didn't have the hold i wanted. but after playing with it a bit, i found a way that worked SO WELL for my hair and now i seriously love it. the trick is to apply the cream after your hair is about 50% dry. so i diffuse it a bit first and then apply the cream and it holds fabulously. my curls are bouncier and more voluminous and frizz is minimal. WOO HOO! i will say though, the cream smells way too grape-y for my taste, i don't love it.  and the hairspray doesn't hold as well as i like it to, so i've been using a little spray of the big sexy hairspray when my hair is completely done, just for a little more hold.  my hair tends to flatten throughout the day so i like more hold near my roots. i highly recommend the cream though, you may have to play with it for a few days to find out how it works best for you, but it's not too expensive.

5. shea moisture curl & style milk. when used by itself, this left my hair really frizzy post-diffusing, but softer than i'd ever imagined my coarse hair could be. and it smells divine. so when i read on the bottle that it can be used as a leave-in conditioner OR a styling product, i decided to go the conditioner route, and I LOVE IT. i put it on my damp hair BEFORE i diffuse it and put on the kinky curls cream and together it's magic. my curls are soft and shiny but defined and not too frizzy {let's be honest, there will always be a little frizz. i'm learning to embrace it.} and it's only been a week but i feel like my hair looks healthier already. it's a little more expensive, but a little goes a long way so i'm hoping it lasts awhile. i recommend this one for everyone- it's amazing and you'll love it, no matter how you use it.

6. herbal essences totally twisted mousse and hairspray. this has been my cheap go-to product for years. it has good hold, smells great, and doesn't leave my hair too crunchy. it never made me head-over-heels in love with my hair, but did the job fine. i've always dreamed about finding something better though. it's worth a try, you might love it.

7. dove hair therapy mousse and hairspray. i generally really like dove products so i thought this would be a slam dunk. but it wasn't for me. it left my curls way too frizzy and gunky feeling- like the product was always sitting on top of my hair. i could feel it all day. i even tried the shampoo and conditioner too, but then i felt like i always had that on my hair too- it didn't ever seem to wash out all the way. i had to wash my hair with ivory dish soap to get all the stickiness out. so i wouldn't get this one, if i were you. i threw all of mine away.

i have to confess, this was really fun. i could totally be a product tester for a living. especially if that product was ice cream…

good luck with your frizzy beast, all you curly/wavy haired girls, let me know what you love! maybe i'll try it!

MOTHERING

every year when mother's day rolls around, much is said about the sacrifice of mothers, of all the selflessness that motherhood requires, and the women who do it graciously, day after day. i know and admire some incredible mothers about who this is very true.

but i must confess- that is not me. i'm not one of those! my motivations for mothering are purely selfish.

i love being pregnant because it's 9 whole months of having that precious fetus all to myself. plus all the ice cream i can eat.
i breastfeed because then i get to hold them the most. all that quiet time cuddling and smelling that sweet little head, that's all for my enjoyment.
i co-sleep because that's how i get the most sleep every night.
i am a full-time mom because i don't want to miss anything, and i want to teach him what i want him to learn, and i like not getting up and ready for work at 7am.
i taught him to give hugs and kisses so that he could give them to me all the time. because there is nothing better in all the land than his little arms around my neck.
i take him to the park to run around so he will take a nice long nap.
i take him to playdates with his friends so i can talk to my friends.
i buy goldfish and graham crackers so i can eat them with him.
i scoop him up some ice cream because he always lets me 'help' him eat it.
i teach him new words because it's nice to have someone to talk to all day.
i run errands and cook and clean because it's a nice break from entertaining the toddler.
i entertain the toddler because then i don't go to bed consumed with mama guilt. also, his little grin when i sit down to play with him pretty much makes my day.

so you see, it's all for me. don't tell luc though, he thinks i do it all for him. ;)
the nice thing about this is that somehow {most of the time} my selfishness ends up working in his favor. fist pump!

whatever your motivations, you're doing an amazing job ladies! wishing you lots of toddler kisses and your favorite guilty treat this weekend! happy mother's day!

BULLYING- STOP IT

i know this is kind of a random post, but the message really touched me.

i was bullied a little in jr. high {weren't we all?} and i remember how crushing it felt to be publicly laughed at. but i also remember how i bullied others. it was my sad attempt at fitting in with the crowd, at trying to deflect the negative attention away from myself. i put others down so i wouldn't feel so bad and so people would like me. it's one of my biggest regrets. i wish i could honestly say i have always been kind, and that instead of being a follower, i stood up for what i knew was right. but i can't. it's something that took me a while to learn, but i'm hoping i can teach my kids to be better, to be kinder. i want them to remember that being kind is more important than being popular. i want them to keep an eternal perspective, even in the middle of the daily grind that is high school.

because as president uchtdorf says: 'in the end, it is the merciful who obtain mercy.'

A DAY IN MY LIFE

i'm not sure anyone cares about an hourly breakdown of a typical weekday in my life right now, but i want to record it so that someday i can look back and remember exactly what these wonderful, happy, long and crazy days were like.

8:00am luc usually wakes up right on time. if i'm lucky, he'll sleep until 8:30. {no idea how i got a kid who doesn't like to sleep in} orlando has usually already left for school/work so it's just me and the little man.

8:05 i stumble into the nursery, get luc out of his crib, and put him in bed with me, handing him my phone in the hopes that he will entertain himself for ten more minutes and i can doze off again.

8:15 luc is done playing with my phone and is pulling on my hand, begging for agua. i get up, grab my glasses, and climb over the baby gate into the kitchen to pour him a sippy of milk. if he woke up happy and i'm feeling cheery, he gets strawberry {nesquik} milk, just for fun.

8:17 diaper change

8:22 have i mentioned i'm not a morning person? we usually spend our mornings snuggled up on the couch, watching curious george or super why or thomas. that way i don't have to fully function just yet.

9:00am the tv goes off and i leave luc playing with his trucks or trains while i make breakfast.

9:15 we eat. i eat quick and do dishes/clean the kitchen/mop {some days} while luc takes his sweet time, playing with/eating his food.

9:50 luc is done eating and the floor is messy again. he plays with pots and pans while i clean the high chair and finish up the kitchen.

10:00 diaper change

10:05 playtime! books, trucks, puzzles, balls, coloring- whatever makes him happy. {i miss summer so much. i miss our morning walks!}

11:05am having exhausted all ideas for entertainment, i resort to sticking him in the bathtub with a ton of bubbles and he is in HEAVEN. if don't need a shower {i'm an every other day showerer, i confess} i do my makeup while i sit by the tub and watch him play.

12:00pm i pull my very wrinkly little guy out of the tub. he picks out his clothes {a recent development} and i get him dried and dressed.

12:10 it's snack time! really this is like a mini lunch- something like a cutie, a string cheese, and half of a nutella sandwich.

12:30 hooray it's nap time! i wrap him up in his blankie, give him his binkie, and we cuddle on the couch while watching thomas or lightening mcqueen. after about 20-30 minutes, he's asleep in my arms and i lay him down on my bed.

1:00pm so there are two versions of nap time- the productive version and the non-productive version. in the productive version i do any assortment of the following: plan my YW lesson, scrub the bathroom, sweep the floors, clean the house, wash and fold laundry, shower, get ready, eat lunch, blog, call my mom or friends, read a book. in the non-productive version i: take a nap with luc, watch a jane austen movie on netflix, waste time on facebook/blogs/instagram for the entire two hours, eat chocolate.

3:00pm luc has an amazing internal clock. recently he's been waking up after a two hour nap, almost to the minute. seriously, it's crazy how precise he is. 2 hours, not five minutes more or less. he wakes up and comes out of my room to find me, it's so cute watching his little sleepy shuffle, dragging his blankie.

3:10 he's a slow waker, so we always have to snuggle for a few minutes so he can adjust. i hold him and we talk about how he slept and what he dreamed about and what he missed while he was sleeping.

3:15 diaper change

3:20 he asks for agua, so we head into the kitchen for a sippy and lunch {second lunch}.

3:45 this is the part of the day that's hardest for me. we've been inside all day, papa won't be home for three or four more hours, and i'm out of new and exciting ideas to entertain us. some days we run errands- grocery shopping or the library and the like. some days we pop popcorn and watch a movie {cars or despicable me or pitch perfect are favorites}. on days when i'm non-productive during nap time, i try to do something productive while luc plays, but he's not great at entertaining himself so this doesn't last long.

5:55pm somehow we've made it through the last two hours. they are seriously the longest of the entire day! but we've made it and papa will be home soon! i do a little dinner prep and luc plays with the tupperware, or i pull a chair up to the sink and let him splash while i prep. we snack on whatever we want, and i turn up pandora {disney channel!} so we can dance.

6:30 orlando is home! hip hip hooray! luc is just as thrilled as i am. he and papa play while i get dinner ready. it's awesome.

6:35 daddy's turn to change diapers!

7:00 dinner is served!

7:30 i clean up dinner while papa entertains luc. this suits me just fine, i like the small break from entertain luc duty.

7:40pm family playtime!

8:40 time to get the little man ready for bed! diaper change, pajamas, teeth brush, stories, scriptures, and family prayer.

9:15 luc's bedtime. either mama or papa takes him in the nursery, rocks him in the rocking chair and sings a song {i sing 'i am a child of god.' orlando sings garth brooks songs}. then we lay him down with his blankie, binkie, and his elephant and he goes to sleep.

9:20 we collapse together on the couch and mindlessly watch tv {hooray for olympics and hulu!}

11:00pm we finally crawl into bed, asking ourselves why we didn't go to bed earlier.

CHOCOLATE

where do i start? chocolate has been my very favorite all my life. i prefer it over every other candy, treat, and dessert. chocolate is my one true food love.

this of course means that eating as much chocolate as i want AND feeling good/fitting into my jeans is a difficult balance. a few months before the holidays i was feeling really great and my chocolate consumption was at an all-time low. then my earliest pregnancy craving was ANYTHING sweet and i just had to have a toblerone. somehow one toblerone turned into 18 {lucky me, I got 18 toblerone bars for my birthday/christmas! and i ate them all} and now i can't stop! i don't even have any pregnancy cravings to blame it on anymore haha. 

really, the worst news of all is that now it's mini cadbury eggs season. cutting back on chocolate is never possible during mini cadbury egg season. 

so i'm thinking that if i eat nothing but celery for every meal, i can probably eat all the mini cadbury eggs i want. 

that's a good plan, right? ;)

**i dedicate this very random post to my dear friend and fellow chocoholic, stacy. xoxo.