2014 was like two very different sides of the same coin for me. one side wonderful, happy and full of accomplishments, and the other side frustrating and exhausting and really challenging. it was a year of big mountains, and while i am proud of us for making it through, let's be honest- i hate hiking.
i must say- the wonderful parts greatly outnumbered the frustrating parts, and the feeling that comes the strongest now as i look back over the year is sheer gratitude. gratitude for all the help and love we received from our families and friends. gratitude for countless heaven-sent blessings. gratitude that orlando and i had each other and luc and baby sister to keep us smiling. so much gratitude that we made it through. and even more gratitude that we are where we are now.
but looking back, i feel like i epically failed at being grateful during the challenges. i was petty and small-minded and i allowed myself to care more about what i lacked than what i had. but even that doesn't encompass what i struggled with. i'm not sure how to adequately describe what i've been feeling, except to say that i found in myself a 'littleness of person' this year. not sure if that makes any sense to anyone but me, but it's been on my mind constantly the past month.
as i've thought about how i can change for the better, the one thought that has come back to me over and over has been that if i work, really diligently work, on my spiritual health and cultivate an attitude of gratitude in all things, everything else i want to accomplish/be will fall into place. so although the list of things i want to accomplish is long, my goals this year are simple and centered around gratitude and my spiritual growth.
this year i want to:
-live more simply. stop comparing myself and what i have/don't have to others. stop coveting and wanting what they have instead. be content with what i have- or even better, be content with less! it's just stuff and somehow it became way too important to me recently. a big part of this one is our goal to get out of debt this year {minus the student loans} and i want to contribute by spending less and not being grumpy/whiny about it. i want to enjoy it even!
-be a more patient, enduring mother. correct what is important and let the rest go. teach and nurture with the spirit. toddlerhood is fun and crazy irrational, and soon there will be two little niños over here- and my threshold of patience needs to increase accordingly. and i want to enjoy the everyday moments more. i want to be more grateful for this time of my life, to embrace it and enjoy it more fully.
-find a better balance between my roles of self, wife, and mother. i want to thrive in all three! discover or develop what talents and gifts i have, and then use them to find personal fulfillment and bless my family. i want to appreciate who i am and what i have to offer, instead of always wishing i was different, or like someone else.
so i'm going to:
1. start each day with an attitude and prayer of gratitude.
so i'm going to:
1. start each day with an attitude and prayer of gratitude.
2. keep a gratitude journal. write something new everyday.
3. attend the temple monthly.
3. attend the temple monthly.
4. personal prayer, 365 days in a row.
5. continue to make time for personal scripture study.
these are my goals, and i feel promised that if i do these things, i will be blessed to accomplish everything else above. either way, i will come out of this year a more grateful person, and that is someone i really want to be.
these are my goals, and i feel promised that if i do these things, i will be blessed to accomplish everything else above. either way, i will come out of this year a more grateful person, and that is someone i really want to be.
