ADULTHOOD

i've arrived.

orlando and i were talking in bed the other night, trying to make sense of the myriad of decisions we have to make in the coming weeks, and it hit me that my own parents must have done this exact thing hundreds of times- whispered worries in the dark, trying to figure out the best thing while not waking the kids.

i don't think you realize how much stress and worry and concern and responsibility your parents carried for your family until you're there yourself. and here i am. it's hard mental, emotional, and physical work, steering this ship. the world is big, the worries are real, and we are the two people responsible for the success and happiness of our family. i knew adulthood wasn't easy, but i underestimated all the planning, decision-making, and mental energy it entailed.

though i know that Heavenly Father is mindful of us and that He will guide and bless us, i often find myself wishing i knew more in advance. i wish He would tell me ahead of time how things are going to unfold so we would always know exactly what to choose for our family. for me, the uncertainty is the hardest part. but then i have to remind myself that we need to exercise faith for a reason. to always know would be to never grow. faith is what bridges what i don't know, and what i trust He does.

i have faith. i am learning patience. i love my stewardship over my little family, i can't think of anything better to lay awake at night working about.